Where do I even begin?
I guess life isn't going quite how I'd planned; but, saying that, I don't think I ever really had a solid plan to begin with. I was so desperate to get into university like almost everyone else I knew, then when I finally did, it just wasn't everything I hoped it would be, I guess. I kept at it, though, for 3 years (repeating one of those years), before I finally gave in to the fact that I just wasn't cut out for it. Even though, education-wise, the whole endeavour was a massive waste of time and money, I can't bring myself to regret it because I met people some great people. Of course, there were the shit ones as well, but that's pretty much unavoidable wherever you go.
"I've got some friends, some that I hardly know,
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world."
Swing Life Away - Rise Against
I think my problem is that I'm too unfocused. I'm well known to be a savant in procrastination - constantly stuck in the fantasy worlds I wrap around myself in the books I read, the anime, tv shows and movies I watch and the games I play. I'm so wrapped up in my own imagination, that it's no wonder I totally flunked university. I specifically remember one time when I basically spent just under a week watching back-to-back Bleach episodes, only sleeping during the day when it was physically impossible for me to not sleep, because once I get into something, it's almost impossible to stop me. I watched upwards of 200 episodes in about a week, while trying to fit in my classes as well, and that was while missing the majority of my lectures, and only really attending tutorials that were compulsory. I stayed up all night, didn't see the point in going to sleep before class for fear of missing it, and deciding I'd sleep when I got back, which I did. So, I'd be sleeping from around 12pm to 6 or 7pm, then I'd be up all night watching anime all over again. My problem is that my escapes from reality - anime and books, primarily - seem to take priority over everything else in my life. Maybe it's my attachment to the characters that are portrayed, or maybe it's just that the worlds depicted in these stories seem so much more grand and memorable than the world we live in. There's excitement there that just gets my heart pumping, instead of dealing with the same people going on about the same shit every day. I suppose I kind of close myself off from the real world sometimes. At 23, I should probably think about at least partially coming back to it. I am trying, to an extent. I've actually almost finished a TEFL course. Which has taken me over a year to do. Queen of procrastination, indeed.
Anyway, I'm tired now, and speaking of, I have some anime to catch up on. I'm sure I'll be back, at least in another 3 years or so. Maybe I'll be a little more grounded in reality by then.
"Even when our eyes are closed, there's a whole world that lives outside ourselves and our dreams."
Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist
